Three Steps Forward, One Step Back

Sorry I haven't updated this blog in a while. I am still trying to sort through anger, grief and frustration. While Paul is improving, he still has many moments of feeling miserable. Our last Dr. visit (May 4th) indicated Paul's lungs and liver were not doing well, so the Dr. decided he needed something stronger than just the cleanse four times per day and put him on Alinia twice a day for three days. This is a heavy-duty drug to kill Cryptosparidium. Apparently, the cycles are very hard to catch and kill. He got terribly sick while taking it and missed four days of school. He has to wait three weeks and do it all over again for three more days, so we are not really looking forward to next week. Paul has had more good days than bad and is able to eat a wider variety of food. We also found out he is allergic to green beans, tuna, cod, beans, and the big one is YEAST. The parasites cause the food intolerances which hopefully will be temporary. I met with a dear friend for coffee the other day and she gave me "The Message of Job" by David Atkinson which is a very healing and comforting book. She said "you know, the emotions you are experiencing are very normal, but the trouble with our society is people really don't know how to lament". Repressing feelings is unhealthy. There is a grieving process to walk through. Glad to know I have only lost a few marbles. I am thankful to see improvement and know it could be much worse. We are thanking God for many reasons especially living in such close proximity to school. I am there 5 times a day. The last day of school will be a HUGE celebration. I know through the process of affliction there can be deliverance. God can heal him any time he is ready. We are waiting as patiently as possible for his timing. One of the highlighted pages in this book states "It is one of the fundamental contributions of pain to make people wake up to a deeper quality of existence and to seek evidence for meaning in their lives beyond the immediate sensations that arrest their attention". Oh how true. I am sooo busted. Learning deeper things of God has been a tremendous blessing. My new moto is try not to sweat the small stuff and try even harder not to sweat the big stuff! It is all temporary....and someday will come without pain and suffering. Plucked right out of the cares of the world and right into his daily presence.