Another Book Title

As I have been reflecting on the expectations and requirements of what it means to be a mom, I realize life is not black and white nor cut and dry. Life is not perfect and not everything is meant to be fixed or "perfect." Usually, lessons are learned when life is upside and quite a mess. This is where we usually find God's grace and peace that transcends all understanding. It is when we are faced with chaos and challenge that the spirit wants to produce perseverance and determination. Without struggle, we wouldn't need a gracious God and would never get to see him at work in our lives in a tangible way. Yesterday when my identity was "at risk," I was feeling very threatened and hurt; but after much reflection, my identity was in the wrong place, "being a mom." My identity should be in Christ alone. If this is true, then my feelings would not have been so crushed at the harsh words my husband spoke to me. Not only that, but I could realize his love language of acts of service and that he came home after a hard day of work and was expecting dinner to be on the table and was crabby and hungry. I can easily get stuck in feelings of unworthiness and take words very personally but have the choice to either believe the ludicrous words spoken, or realize my true identity in Christ. I am sure many people struggle with these same issues and can be sensitive to harsh words, especially if their love language is words of affirmation. While this doesn't excuse inappropriate behavior, it does give me rest and peace of mind to be loved relentlessly by my heavenly Father. Lord willing, hopefully The White Line will get written about God's grace, but the next book title should be The Perils of Perfection and Living with Organized Chaos. The book cover could depict a picture of the corner of a beautiful house with a white picked fence and the other portion of the cover would be flames with mostly ashes. Perfection = destruction and the only answer is love and grace.

Boundaries

Over the weekend, a dear friend dropped by to deliver some delicious chocolate chip cookies. While she was visiting, I was making a batch of homemade chicken noodle soup. This soup is a labor of love and takes well over 2 hours to make, so she didn't mind that I was working during our visit. She also didn't mind that I still had a lasagna pan to clean from the day prior. During our time together, my daughter was also in the kitchen with us engaged on her phone. My friend asked her if she liked my cooking and my daughter said "we usually eat Subway every night for dinner." My friend obviously observing this not to be the case, said to her very frankly "well maybe you should start cooking." At this part of the conversation, I started realizing the little boundaries I have established for myself and that her speech was disrespectful and inappropriate toward me. The next day, I had a very busy schedule and also an education night at school. I decided not to make dinner since the last three dinners including chicken stir fry were not eaten by my family but complained about (one night I even ordered pizza to appease their complaint). By the way, my chicken stir fry and lasagna are pretty good. I called my husband to pick up dinner on the way home, however, he didn't get the message until he was already a few streets away. When my husband arrived home and there was no dinner and no plan, he was obviously furious because we needed to scoot out to the education night. I offered to order pizza, but he declined because he said the kids already ate pizza a few days prior (because they didn't want to eat what I had already made.) I reassured him there were apples, oranges, bananas, waffles, etc. and the kids would not starve. When we got in the car, he warned me to either start being a good wife and mother or he was going to kick me out of the house. I am beginning to see where the lack of appreciation starts and why the behavior continues....because I allow it. Setting a boundary is very difficult, but in the end I think it will be worthwhile. My children are going to eat Subway every day this week and my husband is just going to have to figure it out. I have devoted 16 years to making healthy and well balanced meals for my family, and I shouldn't be talked to in this matter. It is very painful and demoralizing. I know in my heart that I have done my best to serve this family the best I can and make home cooked meals very regularly despite the busy schedules. This friend is wise. While the hotel may be calling my name this week, it is important to keep this boundary.