Passion

I love English proverbs. My new favorite is "never put off until tomorrow what you can do today." Recently, many thoughts have been entering my mind regarding what I thought could be attained or accomplished by the time I turned 40. With the internet and all of its various sources, skies the limit right? Well, for many years I think assumptions were clearly made in my mind that tomorrow will come and I will have time. My first priority has always been to be here for my children. They come first, and I will have time later to pursue my dreams and passions. My thoughts have been challenged lately, and I am wondering what exactly are my dreams and passion? Do I still have dreams and passion? If so, what are they and how can I seek to fulfill the desires that have been inbedded in my heart? After studying the Bible for close to 15 years, God has made very clear my number one passion is to tell others of his great love for them and to give them hope for a future. At heart, I would love to be a missionary. However, this mindset needs to start in the home and thanks to many amazing women who put value on the role, I have been able to have confidence motherhood is making a difference in their lives and the lives of their friends now and later. I feel that I have set my priorities straight by being here first and foremost for my children to teach them right from wrong and to be servant leaders in every capacity, whether at home or in the classroom or on the field in sports. Looking back over the past 15 years, I really don't really have any regrets. I have been doing what is most valuable and most important - instilling great biblical principles and values in their hearts for kingdom service which is the highest calling and utmost privilege a human being can have. I am delighted to say these years have been the most enriching years of my life, and I am so blessed and fortunate God have me an opportunity to experience motherhood. Hopefully, there will be many possibilities to share stories of the great miracles and testimonies of those who have come to faith and how they have walked despite hardship and challenge.

Honoring a Veteran and a Father

There are so many qualities of a man who risks his life and devotes himself completely and selflessly for the benefit of others. Today, 11/11/11 at 11:00, I want to honor my father who by blood is not my own but by selfless sacrifice stepped in to adopt me in place of the one who left me and made a pledge to be here for me as a supporter, encourager, and provider. Over 39 years of faithful dedication, he has been committed and diligent to keep his promise to be my father and now a grandfather. He has attended numerous sporting events, celebrated holidays, made it to most grandparents days and been an overall fabulous role model. Just about anyone can reproduce a child, but it takes a person of true honor and character who is selfless and sacrificial to stand by one not his own. Through the years, he has given help, assurance and love that surpasses my ability to express full gratitude. Over the years, I have learned so much about helping others and service through his careful consideration of what it means to have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. He served in Vietnam, he worked relentlessly to get a degree, worked hard, took many risks and showed me what hard work and perseverance mean. His ability to sacrifice all of these things to benefit so many others is a true honorable mention. Thanks dad for the life you have given me and for the father and grandfather you are and for serving this country so well!

Fruitfulness Despite Suffering

God is steadfast and never failing. I know I can rely on him through hard times and difficult circumstances. His faithfulness to me means he follows through on his commitments and unfailing love and also enables me to do the same when I put my trust and confidence in him. He promises not to depart from me. He is able to replace a heart of stone filled with heartache and transform that same heart and fill it with peace, love and joy. Experiences of true transformation in the heart translate into being able to accept suffering because the suffering comes from his providential orchestrating of events in order to refine the heart for redemptive purposes. 1 Peter 4:19 says "so then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful creator and continue to do good. Perspective: In the long run, there will be no pain or suffering and every tear will be wiped away, so this life and the sufferings that come along with it are temporary. I can rejoice and remember that not even a hair can fall from my head without his knowledge and will. What great news and comfort to know how well I am known and loved. Psalm 139:1-18 "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body, All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. This is so comforting in the midst of sorrow.

Drifting spiritually

Our hearts are prone to wander. It is hard to stay focused and be intentional. Spiritual work takes perseverance and dedication. In January, I decided to take on a challenge and follow a friend's blog to get through the Bible in a year. I am thankful for her devotion, hard work and perseverance. Some days her words of encouragement and ability to bring the abundant truth to life were so exuberant and full of wisdom I could hardly contain myself to share this knowledge with others. Even with this kind of spiritual awareness and spoon feeding of the gospel, I found myself facing setbacks and spiritual drifting. Somehow daily life and challenges can steal joy. It is easy to get distracted and turn my heart toward other things. The security deposit of the holy spirit enabled me to not drift too far and am thankful for God's intervention to help me believe the truths in scripture and to pray and act upon the graces that have been shown to me. Hebrews 2:1-3 says "we must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. For if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? The punishment for sin is death unless you are alive in Christ and accept what has been given so freely. There is nothing to add to this except acceptance and gratitude. Being a believer means I have trusted in Christ's accomplished work and am resting in him. This is really good news.

Things I've Learned

This morning I was praying to the Lord and asking him what he wants from me. A few minutes later, I opened the drawer next to my bed and low and behold was a piece of paper peaking out of a very special book. It is entitled "Things I've Learned" and when I started reading it, I realized why I saved it. These are not my words, and I am not even sure how I obtained this awesome piece of wisdom but am thankful I was smart enough not to throw it away. I think I will blog it, so it can be referred to as often as necessary, as there are some key principles that are meaningful and fruitful. Here goes:

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that the heroes are the people who do what has to be done, regardless of the consequences. I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I've learned sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I've learned that sometimes when I am angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean the don't love you with all they have. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experience you have had and what you have learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you have celebrated. I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do. I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I've learned that the people you care about in life are taken from you too soon. Share this with all the people you BELIEVE in...I just did. Habakkuk 2:14 For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.

Well, now that I am choked up, that is all for now.

Purpose

After a near death experience on October 15, 2011, I have been reflecting on the meaning of life and its purpose. I have been thanking God for sparing my life and my daughter's life and am now in the proactive mode of accomplishing the project God put on my heart five years ago. The mission and purpose were to share personal testimonies of believers and enlighten others to transformations that occured before and after their conversions. Being a perfectionist and procrastinator has its fair share of setbacks, but I am confident God will be faithful in working through these issues to prove his glory and effectiveness in the midst of all my hangups. He has proven his love time and time again, but this one experience inparticular has had even a bigger impact and penetrated to a deeper understanding of God's grace in a very short time. As I have been reflecting on my son's illness just a few short years ago, I am clearly reminded again of life's precious moments and how every single day is truly a gift from him and him alone. Life as a believer is abundant even in the deepest pit of suffering. This is a mystery that only God can reveal but sharing experiences with others can help people reach a glimpse of what he is able to accomplish through us if we are willing to share ourselves and his story of work in us. For years I have struggled with the title of this book due to the vulnerability of the personal testimonies. Part of the excuse of not writing (along with all of my insecurities) was the fact I didn't have a perfect title. These stories are God's abundant work and miraculous grace, therefore, it needed to be fitting with the stories. Well, leave it to God to give the perfect title in his timing. It will be called The White Line. Since it is only by God's grace we were saved, I find this incredibly fitting. The day of the accident, Lauren and I were sitting at a stoplight waiting for the red light to change so we could make a left turn. Heading northbound on the crossroad was a car going approximately 80 miles per hour that crashed into a light post and went airborne flipping 180 degrees right over us and landing directly in front of us by a few feet. He landed on the white line; the white line I didn't drive up to that particular day for some strange reason. We would have instantly been crushed but God spared both of us leaving my car with minimal damage and just a few dents along with some blood and gasoline. The driver of the other car was killed instantly and was practically unrecognizable to us. There had to be a fleet of angels shielding my entire car that day because his engine flew clear across the highway along with many other parts of his car. Therefore, since I am still here, it has become evident this project needs to come to fruition sooner than later. Please keep the project in your prayers!

Doctors, Doctors and More Doctors

I am not updating as often as I would like, but we have been living in the Dr.'s offices lately. We were referred to another GI specialist who looked over some of Paul's records over the last 18 months. This Dr. was very surprised there weren't other tests run on Paul during his hospital stay last year. After examining Paul, Jr., Dr. Weinstock ordered a SWEAT test to be done at Children's to check for Cystic Fibrosis. He also prescribed Zifaxan to help kill bacteria in the small intestine. The test was done Feb. 15th and we got the results back later in the afternoon that Paul was out of the normal range. Normal is 0-40, and Paul tested a 50. When I got the call from Dr. Weinstock, he said the next step would be blood work. He also prescribed pancreatic enzymes for Paul to start to help him start digesting his food. The pulmonary nurse from Children's contacted me the next day to explain the protocol. She made an appt. for Paul to see the head pulmonary Dr. on March 11th, Dr. Sweet. She also explained to me they would need another SWEAT test, so we did the 2nd one on the 18th. That one also came back abnormal, but lower abnormal at a 43. She explained he is an A typical case and not a classic case. We are waiting for the blood results to come back to see what mutations have been affected. However, they are checking 97 mutations first and then 115. There are a total of 1500 mutations but not enough research to back the less common ones. In the meantime, the pediatrician has been in contact with Dr. Tarr's office at Children's and Dr. Tarr is talking to the CF Dr. who headed up the study on stomach pain in CF patients. He is also talking to Dr. Noon (not sure what he does). Dr. Tarr has all of Paul's paperwork from various Dr.s over the last 18 months and is meeting with other Dr.'s to review them and come up with a plan.