Boundaries

Over the weekend, a dear friend dropped by to deliver some delicious chocolate chip cookies. While she was visiting, I was making a batch of homemade chicken noodle soup. This soup is a labor of love and takes well over 2 hours to make, so she didn't mind that I was working during our visit. She also didn't mind that I still had a lasagna pan to clean from the day prior. During our time together, my daughter was also in the kitchen with us engaged on her phone. My friend asked her if she liked my cooking and my daughter said "we usually eat Subway every night for dinner." My friend obviously observing this not to be the case, said to her very frankly "well maybe you should start cooking." At this part of the conversation, I started realizing the little boundaries I have established for myself and that her speech was disrespectful and inappropriate toward me. The next day, I had a very busy schedule and also an education night at school. I decided not to make dinner since the last three dinners including chicken stir fry were not eaten by my family but complained about (one night I even ordered pizza to appease their complaint). By the way, my chicken stir fry and lasagna are pretty good. I called my husband to pick up dinner on the way home, however, he didn't get the message until he was already a few streets away. When my husband arrived home and there was no dinner and no plan, he was obviously furious because we needed to scoot out to the education night. I offered to order pizza, but he declined because he said the kids already ate pizza a few days prior (because they didn't want to eat what I had already made.) I reassured him there were apples, oranges, bananas, waffles, etc. and the kids would not starve. When we got in the car, he warned me to either start being a good wife and mother or he was going to kick me out of the house. I am beginning to see where the lack of appreciation starts and why the behavior continues....because I allow it. Setting a boundary is very difficult, but in the end I think it will be worthwhile. My children are going to eat Subway every day this week and my husband is just going to have to figure it out. I have devoted 16 years to making healthy and well balanced meals for my family, and I shouldn't be talked to in this matter. It is very painful and demoralizing. I know in my heart that I have done my best to serve this family the best I can and make home cooked meals very regularly despite the busy schedules. This friend is wise. While the hotel may be calling my name this week, it is important to keep this boundary.

New Start

It is a new day, new beginnings, new start. The Bible says if we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive them and wash us clean. Some days even after I confess, there is a feeling of wearing white clothes under a black light with all of the spots still covering my clothes. They are freshly revealed, alive and everywhere. This clean start is a truth that has to be based on the accomplished work set before me, not on my feeling. This takes trust and belief that I am accepted "as is" today. So, am I going to dwell on a feeling, or am I going to believe in a majestic God that loves the depth of my heart because of what Jesus did for me on the cross? He doesn't see the impurity anymore, so why do I continue to believe false truths about myself? Satan only wants us to feel unworthy in order to stop the work that God wants to accomplish in us. God has new, big plans for the day and I am the only one standing in the way. It is time for a new start in him to do his work for his people. It is finished. I am consecrated to him and not living for myself, therefore let the light shine, wear white and live under the white light today.

Goals

As I have been contemplating future goals, it is imperative to analyze my genetic makeup and what makes me tick and thrive. God has given me a generous heart and gift of giving, and my new goal is to become a renowned female philanthropist. Why would this be a goal? Well, only to illuminate the reality of Christ in my life and to spread the good news of the gospel so others may be given new lives. This may seem next to impossible but anything is possible with God. In the bible it says "ask and you shall receive." As I am typing this, many amazing impossibilities are already happening that can only be attributed to this amazing creator of the universe. Often times, I feel God has me right at the center of big happenings. He allows me to see his magnificent, majestic work which only increases my faith as time passes and challenges me to never be comfortable and complacent. There are so many injustices in the world and so many suffering people. It is my dream to alleviate their stresses and give them hope for a future. He changes hearts and transforms lives into his likeness to mimic his goodness. This incredible miracle transpired for me in 1997. This is clearly a mystery - his mystery but miraculous. He takes hearts of stone and changes them into hearts for him and others. This is pure joy, even when trials come (and they surely will.) The spirit is always there to sustain the waves. He is the cornerstone and refuge in times of trouble. So pouring into non-profits, feeding the poor and making a name for him are a top priority. He can do it. He can make it happen. My chore is to believe and follow him where he leads! This is my goal.

Purses and Personalities

As I was going thru the drive-thru of Starbucks today, an interesting thought crossed my mind. I thought of all of the different purses on the market along with the manufacturers, designers, visionaries, and marketing specialists who made their displays possible. Years of research probably went into surveying women on their likes and dislikes and more research probably went into studying behavior and personalities. What if purses really do reflect personalities. Today, I am carrying a shimmery tote. Why was I drawn to this purse? What attributes did it have that were so desirable? Well, I picked a color that would go with basically anything I wear. Does this mean I am practical? I typically wear black, red, gray and different shades of brown. Well, I picked a shimmery gold and this hardly screams practical (although, it was for the holiday season.) The reason for the tote style is so I can throw anything in there and know that I will eventually find what I need. Does this mean I make more work for myself than necessary when I need something? These thoughts just flashed by in an instant, but today I felt the need to write them down. Just think of all of the different types of purses on the market, some are big, some are small, some are square, some are round, some have many pockets, some are simple, some are bright and some are dull, some are cheap, some are expensive. Does the purse you choose depict your preference and personality?

New Year and New Beginnings

I am confident 2012 is going to be a year filled with courage. There are many exciting projects in the works, none of which are for the faint of heart. Lauren and I recently watched the movie We Bought a Zoo and one of my favorite parts of the movie was when the dad was talking to his 14 year old son about courage. He encouraged him to have 20 seconds of courage. My motto for this year is to take even more risks for the Lord in every capacity, whether it be in my relationship to my husband, kids, friends or extended family or whether it be serving and volunteering to advance his kingdom. Out with the old and in with the new sounds so cliche' but it is honestly the way I feel. God's grace will enable a fresh start filled great and mighty works. Courage will be the underlying theme of risk-taking, boldness, and a new sense of purpose. Fear of failure will be conquered, because in failure are the most prized lessons to be learned about others, self and especially our heavenly Father who delights to pick us up when we fall and who is slow to anger and abounding in love. My belief system will stay sustained on the basic principle found in John 20:31 which just so happened to be given to me at the end of 2011. It came framed and is now hanging in my kitchen. It reads "Believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in his name." Somehow in 2011, I had gotten off the beaten path to think that everything was on my shoulders. Intellectually, I know that even the government is on my heavenly Father's shoulders, but in my sin, I confess total stress and anxiety about my life in 2011 and trying to get everything I was doing "just right for him." Well, he doesn't necessarily want me to get everything "just right" and certainly delights in my heart's intentions and efforts, therefore, perfection is clearly his alone. He just wants all of my heart to trust him to work all things out exactly the way he has predestined and orchestrated them to be. A new year filled with courage and trust. I am really looking forward to what the Lord has in store for all of us. Believing takes courage! Knowing that courage can come in 20 second spurts, I will be praying for courage to believe, trust and know who is God :)

True Meaning of Life

As I have been reflecting on life, it is imperative and essential to mention there really is no life outside of having a union with Christ. In John 15 it describes the vine and the branches. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. All of life is really about God and everything he has done on our behalf. He enables all of life to work. Jesus laid his life down for us so that we shall live, and when we lay our lives down for him we gain eternal life in him. This begins a new life in him and suddenly life is never really the same again. Each day with him in our heart, he reminds us of his presence in some form. There hasn't been a day that has gone by since becoming a believer that I have not thought of him in some form or fashion within each 24 hour period. He desires our attention. When we are attentive, we get to learn what he has for us and he directs our path according to his will. Over the past 15 years, my life has gradually grown and changed spiritually. Although many days, I still feel challenged with feelings of unworthiness, rejection, shame and guilt, I am reminded in scripture that my sins have been washed clean and forgiven as far as the east is from the west. I have a new life in him worthy of love, acceptance and unconditional love that surpasses all understanding. I am now able to share this generous love I have been so graciously granted. Giving away this free love has brought many friendships and ministries my way and I have found great joy helping and loving others. So life really boils down to love for me. This is why I feel so passionate about Christian education. The more people that come to this realization of sacrifice Christ endured on the cross, the more people will be changed and engage the world for Christ. This gives great hope for a great future when one day there will be no more pain and suffering, no more tears and only great joy with a new heaven and a new earth. This is the true essence of life; living today for a better tomorrow.

Reflections

Being sick this week has afforded me the opportunity to stop and reflect on important questions pertaining to life. What is life? What does it mean? Is life just a series of milestones, work or educational accomplishments, sports, vacations, celebrations, and entertainment? Is life cooking healthy meals for the family and trying to stay physically fit in order to avoid disease? Is life encouraging my children to be their best, study hard and get good grades so they can get into the "right" college to set them up for "a successful future?" Is life just a series of brief joyful experiences or brief sorrows? What drives life and all of the decisions that accompany it? Still reflecting and will post more on this topic.